Hot sauces: A rough guide

If you spot this in a friend or family member’s cupboard, please check on them regularly. There’s a huge spectrum on this list and this was my debut into the real deal club. Had a spool of it on top of a Chicago deep dish pizza in first year and my voice broke a second time. Having said that, this one birthed Hot Sauce Henry and its tang is pretty much unrivalled.

8.5/10

One of those temperatures that you only notice once you flush your pallet with a glass of water (a common rookie among the less regular). This is right on the other end of the spectrum towards flavour. Put this on a dead burger or in a rubbish sandwich and you’ll go away a happy individual. Put this in something of actual quality beforehand? You better notice that overkill otherwise you’ll never taste your foundations ever again. Recommend to people taking the step up from ruining their food with ketchup.

7/10

Vinegar, pepper, salt. Over two quid for a bottle so small you can’t wash it up without splashing yourself with the overflow. Having said that, probably the most versatile sauce here. The exact opposite of reggae sauce as this stuff is likely to compliment rather than aggressively overpower your actual meal. I’d even go as far as to say it often becomes one of the main ingredients, or at least has been in the case of Mr Ramsay. Not a personal favourite, but from a neutral point of view it earns a high mark.

8/10

Almost forgot this one until I scooted past it looking for better sauces. Second year was a bit forgettable at times and what a relief to know what to blame. Don’t be fooled by the woman in robes, this was chucked together in a factory with 0 love. I had this in about 8 sandwiches, a streak that gives credit only to my open-mindedness, and all it did was make me think about my dinner later. This stuff was about as prominent as the taste of alcohol in a bud light, and I really don’t know if I can say any more, because I don’t remember the stuff.

2/10

I could have saved the best until last, but then you’d be expecting it. Unlike the disgrace you had the misfortune of reading about, I searched the internet like a rat looking for scraps to find this stuff. I never would have predicted that the source of flavours deeper than Gandhi’s slam poetry, would come from a raw sauce with pro biotics found in my cupboard at home. This is similarly overpowering to reggae, but rather than stick to my principles, I have to admit that this should just replace whatever meal your having, with breaks on weekends to cleanse your pallet.

9.5/10

This isn’t hot sauce but it’s sound.

6/10

This hits where Cholula failed to. My fond memories of sandwiches from 3rd year came from the splashes of this stuff. Such is the nature of the regular Tabasco, its cousin shares the miniscule bottle which ensures you don’t go heavy, and wise initiative that is. Litre for litre, this would probably trump the Indian hot pepper for mouth pain, and it’s a great tragedy the person who got impatient pouring this stuff out and soaked their meal with this. If they’re alive I want to meet them. Errs on the side of vinegary rather than tangy, so it probably comes down to personal preference.

8/10

This pairs with Tabasco (original) as more of a cooking tool than an extra. I put this in my sandwiches when I felt like punishing myself that day, but I squirted it into my meal if I’d just completed an essay or gone outside for a change. A good condiment and excellent value for volume (the picture isn’t life-sized), but may it forever remain in the shadow of Tabasco.

6.5/10

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